What I didn't expect was TO BE SO GODDAMN ANNOYED. It's not the creepiness of the email - though there's plenty of that. Creepy I'm used to. Sleazy I'm used to. Bizarre fetishes? Bring it on. Not only did my post have absolutely nothing to do with finding a date (well, not this one), but this "fantasy" is so over-the-top, so jam-packed with effort, so... hyperbolic.
from: Rico B
date: [the other day]
subject: Craigslist post.. i am real
Hi, thank you for your post. I’m a full-time grad student at XXXXXXXX XXXX, 38, 5’7”, 155 lbs. (some recent photos are attached) and looking for a nice girl to hang out with and maybe more if things work out. I’m pretty laid back, and funny once you get to know me (sometimes a little too silly though), very friendly, always with a ready smile, and very open-minded. I am Italian, love nature/outdoors and physical activities, as well as quiet days/evenings at home especially after sharing a home-cooked meal with a special friend (I love to cook Italian and Chinese when I have time). I am very old-fashioned/traditional in my views about women and am always a gentleman.
Let’s see how things go. I am on facebook and would prefer that you also have a facebook account so we can make sure we are both real! It’s not a requirement but since there are so many scammers on CL, I would at least prefer to exchange a few e-mails to know you are sincere and real.
How’s a romantic dinner date sound?
We share a candle light dinner and a bottle of wine at a cozy European restaurant. You looked very sexy in your elegant evening gown. As I drove you back to your home you told me how much of a lovely time you had.
As you open your front door and enter your foyer, you kick off your shoes and ask me if I wouldn’t mind rubbing your back. I approached you from the rear and placed my hands onto your shoulders. You let out a sigh when I began to massage you. You started saying how good it felt when I took my hands and traced down the outside of your arms. When I reached your hands I started to massage your fingers very gently. Then tracing back up your arms I pulled my hands across your shoulders then down your back putting just enough pressure on each side of your spine with my thumbs while placing my fingers on the outside of your back. I continued this until you were totally relaxed. I then reached your butt and took my time to caress each cheek gently. I then continued down your left leg to your foot. I proceeded to move back up this time with my hands under your dress to your butt. I again massaged each cheek gently, while ever so lightly caressing the back of your neck with my mouth.
I then moved down the right leg to your foot. Then with a hand on each leg I moved my hands back up the sides of your body removing your beautiful dress. I take the dress up over your head. Placing my hands back onto your head I gently massage your scalp down to your neck. I then turn you to be you facing me. I lightly give you a kiss on the forehead telling you how beautiful you are. With the back of my hands I trace ever so gently down each cheek to your neck. Then with feather light touches I trace around your breast back up between them to your neck. I’m careful not to totally touch either breast or nipple. Again I gently glide my hands down your arms and gently massage each finger. I then move my hands around to your back down your butt and on down your legs. Then with my thumbs on your inner thigh I trace back up your legs. Just before I reach your panties, I pull my thumbs out and place my hands on the back of your thighs. I continue up, placing my face ever so close without touching you so she can feel my warm breathe, as I move up to your stomach, I move my hands back around to your stomach and feathery touch you in between your breasts back to your face. I gently kiss you on the mouth while I ever so diligently pick you up, carry you to your bedroom and place you onto the bed.
Once on the bed I have you roll onto your stomach. I then sit next to you and spend a very large amount of time gently massaging you. I start at the top of your head and continue down your back and arms to your butt, were I kiss each cheek, then continue to massage you to your feet. Once at your feet I repeat the process only in reverse and go back to the top of your head. I then roll you onto your back. Again I gently massage you. Starting with your face continuing around your breast making sure I don’t touch a nipple. I then kiss around your breasts and let your nipples feel my warm breath. I continue kissing you all over down your stomach then to your moist pussy that has soaked your lace panties. After you have felt my breathe upon you, I trace with light touches around your mound without touching your clit, then I go down each leg until I reach your feet. I then repeat the process only this time in reverse back to your face. I’m careful not to touch your nipples or your pussy. I then kiss you ever so gently on the mouth. Then moving to your ears and suck them as you like.
I continue to kiss you with like pecks using my tongue on your face and neck continuing down your chest to your nipples. I take each nipple into my mouth gently sucking and licking spending ample time. I continue down your stomach to your bellybutton. I gently lick and bite your bellybutton before continuing to your lace panties. I gently slide them off. When I reach her feet I take your panties and sniff her sweet nectar that you have left in them. I then take and suck and lick each toe into my mouth. Starting back up I alternate my kissing on each leg.
As I go back up you begin to spread your legs. I lay between your legs and ever so gently begin to kiss and lick the inner part of your thighs. I can feel the heat you have started to generate upon my face. I continue this around your pussy and then on each lip. As you feel my warm breath on you, you begin to moan ever so softly. I continue to slowly tease you by licking your pussy from the top all the way down, I tell you how sweet you taste but careful not to touch your clit. Then when you begin to moan louder and start to squirm and cannot take it any longer, I gently lick your clit. I then take your clit into my mouth where I elegantly suck it. Not too hard at first just soft and slow. As you begin to rock and moan loudly I then suck your clit faster and harder. As you have your first of many, orgasm I do not release your clit from my mouth. Only when you begin to relax will I release you. Then with a gentle tongue I slowly lick your pussy clean. Slowly tasting all of her sweetness, and not leaving a drop
When you have totally relaxed I move up and tell you how beautiful you are. I then kiss you Good Night.
Hope to hear from you soon, Rico :)
PS. i am also online at XXXXXXX@hotmail.com
Oh yes, I am posting his pictures.
I can't decide if I want to punch the irritating fuck, or reply to him and say, "Dude. Seriously. Does this actually work?"
One thing's for sure: I can't hear the name "Rico" without thinking of this little 90's treasure:
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